dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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