she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
