Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
