Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
