so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
