I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
