im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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