Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
be right there i have to get my cape
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
