Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
