Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
