Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
