my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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