I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
