I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
