Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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