I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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