He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize