He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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