you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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