it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
