There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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