yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
