there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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