you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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