It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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