Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
