my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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