I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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