i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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