I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
