Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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