My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
