the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
