so that wasnt chicken after all
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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