So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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