Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
