She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
