theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
