Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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