Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm like, not good at living.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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