I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
