I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
