You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
