and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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