I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
