Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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