we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize