You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
