Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize