My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
