Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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