One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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