I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
worst night to have a conscience
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize