Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
