he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize