Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
