no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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