girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
