hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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