Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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