Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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