Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
