brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
