Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
