i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
