So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
