Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize