I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
