Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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