Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Green mimosas i think yes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
