you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
