you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
