well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
