"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
