we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
