Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
