Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
