In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i believe in u and ur pee
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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