I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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