We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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