yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
