So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Pooping to opera.
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